Doghouse

Morford on MegaChurch Madness Part 4

Morford admits he has never stepped into a Megachurch, but he did do his outside research, and 90 percent of it is amazingly accurate for a guy on the outside looking in.

I've been on the inside looking out, at the sidedoor ready to bolt, and on the outside. All three.

I know four Megachurch pastors, two of whom will, despite my degenrate state, still take my calls. Then behind them I know another four or five whose churches are headed in that direction.

On the list above I only know Chuck Smith (who is No.3). In fact my never-used ordination is under the Calvary Chapel banner. But that's another story.

I have also met Greg Laurie, who is named in Morford's article. Frankly, he reminded me of Hulk Hogan, only without the sense of humor. He didn't make this list because the Institute of Megachurches estimates he has only 15,000 in attendance and Rick Warren's Saddleback Church has 15,030.

Greg needs another 31 members to get on the list. Must really stoke him in the staff meetings.

Laurie (imagine Hulk Hogan voice) : C'mon people!! Warren's got 30 more members than we have!!!

Associate Pastor Number 37: But Pastor Greg our numbers are up 20 percent from last year!

Laurie: What?! What is your name again?!

AP37: Bill sir. I'm your nephew, remember?

Laurie: Oh yeah...Bill...Bill...Well BILL (at this point he grabs bill and hoists him over his head, twirls him around and body slams him on the conference table...BLAMMO!). Call your dad and have him come getcha because we got work to do.

(AP 23 and AP41 scrape him off the table)

Laurie: Look people!! We need 30...no 40..yeah... 40 new bodies in a hurry.

But of course it is futile. Laurie will never catch up because Warren is the architect of the "40 Days of Purpose" shtick, and that purpose every 40 days is a lot clearer to him than Jesus' 40 days in the desert were to him.

Makes you wonder what they have on common?

By the time Greg clocks in 16,000 sheep, Warren will be at 16,580. He'll never catch up.

AP37, AP52 and AP14 are all in traction.

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But who is at the top? stay tunes...same Mac time, same Mac channel...

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 6:56 AM