Doghouse

The Eternal Hippo...

The new plush version.





So I finally called Delinda. I had finally written about Doc twice and she deserved a call.

She was disheveled to say the least and who wouldn't be given me?

Once, at a basketball game at Simpson, Rich and I sat on either side of Delinda. Whenever the action went right I would lean across to the left and talk with Rich. He did the same whenever the action went left. He would lean across Delinda and speak to me (just as the action went to his side) about a theological controversy, and I would wait till it went the other way so she never saw a play.

We did this like 50 times without breaking character. And, even better...we did it by instinct, not planned.

Rascals.

But now we must turn to the Eternal Hippo...

*******

Delinda did not remember the Eternal Hippo when I called. I admit I was disappointed because it became legend at CSUS alongside the "Term Planner" incidents. (This will also be written about and I am bugging Christine Mac about getting her mother to find a photo of her dad's Bug covered in 700 term planners each taped together).

It was the spirit of Kierkegaard upon me that made me so ascerbic at the time. Delinda was 23 and had been named the Dean of Women in a repressed Bible College. And she was hot.

What were they thinking?

The woman before her, who was the Dean of Women, was Mrs. Butz (I kid you not). Devan Devan Olsen (we do not know why) grew his pot plants in the main Simpson rotunda in the potted plant fixtures. Every day Mrs. Butz would totter out and water his stash.

That was until Rich got wind of Devan Devan's deal and put an end to it. We did have some morals. Then Delinda was moved in to replaced Mrs. Butz. This was most disconcerting on an embedded hormonal level...if you get my drift.

To my credit, I never acted on this. McGhee did, and Mitchell followed suit and both were suitably ground up and dispatched. But in my own way I loved Delinda and it was perhaps the only love I have ever had that did not end in tears.

In fact...it was laughter. And it was fun the other day, after 30 years, to hear her laugh...that same laugh. I'm a funny guy...make no mistake. Delinda has an infectious laugh...and my standing by the side makes it more so.

Part of that humor, was that Delinda had to run the bookstore., as well as oversee all the women's dorms (see below on weirdness) . It was not much of a bookstore at all..in fact it was noticeably absent of books for a bookstore. It was rather full of trinkets and I routinely tortured her on this issue.

Most every morning I would walk in and fixate on a product that was woefully stupid and then I would preach to her.

She liked it.

What can I say?

++++++

One morning I found the Eternal Hippo. There was a table of soft stuffed toys/animals. The Hippo was compelling...I mean really.

I took it, then waited in line and then pretended I did not know her and simply asked "Ma'am...can you tell me how this Hippo relates to my biblical studies?"

She went flush.

"Can you explain the eternal significance of this Hippo?" I asked.

She batted her eyes and stifled a laugh.

"Oh well...just take the thing" she finally said.

And I did. I walked out and down the hall throwing the Eternal Hippo up in the air and catching it as I walked. I could hear her protestations in the distance as I walked away.

No matter.

The Hippo became emblematic in the days that followed. Rich had it for awhile...and Devan Devan (WDKW). At one point I surrendered the Hippo to Delinda (I think I had been summoned on three occasions for questionings). But it came back to me later in a box with a nice note.

One of the things you had to admit about Delinda was while she decimated men she had a great deal of class. Superbly so. And she still does, from what I can tell...and she has loved and been a soul mate to her husband for near 25-plus years.

That makes me very happy.

Good woman. As usual, I missed the boat.

*******

Simpson Weirdness (as promised).

Simpson Bible College was like the Starship Enterprise without an engine room.

Everyone lived in the same building/place. The only need to travel outside was to get to the gym, which was 300 feet away. Not even Doc used the gym. It was pretty much me only.

You ate there, slept there, played there, studied there, met your professors there, flirted there and did pranks.

We did at least one prank a day, every day...between Rich, DDO (WKNW) and myself.

Some days the prank was easy. Rich would just steal Devan Devan Olsen's keys and we would hear them slide across the floor into the urinal....cha--ching!

Other days it was planned way ahead of time (see The Mac/Mitchell Wars).

*******

Okay...before I proceed I have to tip my cap to Delinda for taking my call. I am the kind of guy who sets up a joke and then delivers the punchline 3 decades later...it's utterly unfair. It was fun to hear her laugh...but on a serious note Delinda has been through some real STUFF...both she and Bill (her husband) and I look forward to hearing more about what God will do with them..because God is with those whose hearts and often bodies are broken in some way.

When we were young and unbroken we had no idea. Now we know. Doc knew. He died of cancer.

*******

If I was not a rascal I would be dead. I drive my roomate nuts with my antics...but it keeps me alive...really. At near 50 I live next door to a woman who is, arguably, as beautiful as Delinda was (and probably is) today. She has amazing eyes and she is wicked smart and I'm in the same spot. I care so much more about the friendship and long-term than I do today. That is another version of faith, no?

In 1978 Delinda and I sat on the steps of the second floor and had a talk about "us".

She does not remember this at all...but I do.

I'm built that way.

I told her my simple reasons for denying our being romantic. She laughed. I laughed.

She will tell you (if you ask) that I was gorgeous. It did not matter...it was a good decision.

********

I'm not gorgeous any more. Even though my pastor says I am sexy (he qualified) I am not gorgeous anymore. I am well-worn. My sons? They are gorgeous now. And I have tried to tell them this because no one ever told me. I had no idea. Adam is likely the most gorgeous kid on the planet...just have a look sometime.

His brothers are too handsome to live.

*******

But back to fun....

I love to tell stories. Can ya tell?

Have you ever met anyone who writes so much???

I love it.

*******

Okay...here is story about Rich. He and I battled for two weeks then realized that together we were unstoppable. I still regret that we never did a Church plant together. We had lunch after the "Dave Lubeck" and "Webhead" incidents and joined forces.

It was near Christmas time and we had no families to speak of. We decided to have a toga party. No alcohol...no girls...geez. We had Devan Devan Olsen hide in a closet for three hours so we could get in around 11 p.m. unhindered.

We slipped out our windows (second floor) and made our way quietly to the gymnasium room. Devan Devan (WDKW) opened the door after being accosted in a closet for several hours. We hit the lights, adjusted our togas, had some fresh non-alcoholic eggnog and began to sing old church hymns.

Pretty risky business.

The campus security guard (Steve Thompson) came busting in and most of the guys scattered.

Fooking sheep.

Rich and I grabbed Thompson and explained that he was gonna bake in the sauna like a "fat red lobster" if he sqwaked before morning.

We came to an understanding. He could rat on us..in the morning. Fair is fair. Hell the guy was making $2.80 cents an hour.

We were fined the same amount the next morning by Delinda. She took great relish in grilling me on the details. I left nothing out.

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 6:50 AM