Diversions
Deborah Hake Brinckerhoff
"Single Chair #3"
Oil on Canvas
2001
32 x 32"
Blaise Pascal, writing many centuries ago, noted that the hardest thing for human beings to do is sit alone in a room with no diversions. In modern times it is only worse because the diversions have multiplied exponentially, and via technology have become global.
For some it is uncomfortible; for others, terrifying.
Go to Ask.com and type in something seemingly absurd and see what you get. I typed in "underwater basketweaving" with a smirk that was quickly wiped off my face. There are a great number of people who are heavy into underwater basketweaving. I liked these sites:
Handbaskets: To Hell and Back
http://www.handbaskets.homestead.com/
Ben's Underwater Basketweaving Page
http://www.uwbw.org/
A History of UBW
http://sporkqueen.diaryland.com/010517_9.html
Well, you get the point (that and you will need to be scuba certified).
We all know someone who has a particular obsession we do not understand. It can be just about anything.
What are mine? Well that is what I am examining. Having divested myself (or been divested) of two major ones (a relationship with a woman, and the joys of alcohol), I see the stark wide-openess of life that has always existed.
And now it is time for the infamous Ernest Becker quote where he says that humanity is "drinking and drugging themselves out of consciousness, or they go shopping, which is the same thing."
The diversions of men and women are endless as are their addictions to these things. Thus we have AA, NA, Al-Anon, SA, FA, QA, GA, PA etc. And those who go to such groups have to go to a second group called MA (Meetings Anonymous) for those addicted to meetings.
I think it's probably better to sit alone with God, or go for a walk with a friend.
********
What brought this on about "diversions"?
Well, in the middle of a game of Starcraft online with my son, my daughter called. I told her Adam and I were playing and I would call her back.
When we were done with our little diversion I called and she was upset. "I miss you," she said. "I want to see you."
We talked for awhile and I let her get it out, then tell me about her day and then she was fine and we told each other how much we love each other and that was that.
Then I thought about it after.
In the ten weeks that I could not see them she did not call to say she missed me. L attributed this to "well she is busy and they do not think of such things, only about when they will see friends, or what to wear." Of course, with L on a trip to the East Coast I feel sure Camille has expressed her missing L very much. But that is okay (yes, that is sarcasm).
When I talk to the both of them the scenario unfolds. Adam talks to me constantly about what he is going to buy and what he wants to buy. Camille talks to me about who she is going to see and what events she will be involved in.
Now there is nothing wrong with these things. There is nothing wrong with having nice equipment, or a car you enjoy...or to be very social. It is when it becomes your life though that a line is crossed into unconsciousness and consumption. It's where communication begins to diminish, and shared time that is relational begins to fade away.
And let's face it, some diversions (and we all need some) are better and healthier than others.
My playing Starcraft with Adam has several purposes. One, we enjoy it and it makes us think strategy. Two, we have to work together and it is maddening at times (I totally blew two games last night...he bore it well). It's also something we can do togther even though I cannot see him face-to-face (I have strict orders from the Warden...no visitation).
I would like both of my youngest kids to grow up being able to sit quietly alone in a room without diversions. Sure, it can only be for a short time as we are very limited.
Why you ask? Why not divert away because it's fun and we die all too quickly?
Because you find out who you really are when you are alone and without the din of other things, and the daunting expectations of the fallible humans in your life, including yourself.
And you also find that you are not alone.
There is no real way to experience this within the sheer clamor and din of culture, and the millions of subcultures, as it plays you and you play it. The manifold obligations of modern life are confusing, and then on top of that we are to also have all these other "lives" including the segregation of the "spiritual life" from the "sexual life" from the "professional life"...no wonder modern men and women are culturally and internally schizophrenic.
Most spiritual traditions (and a few religious ones) have a keen recognition of this. In Hinduism the outer clatter is "Maya" or illusion. The emptiness of Zen opens up an inner journey into a joyful void. And Christians for 2,000 plus years have been contemplatives who practiced the "presence of God."
I happen to be a Christian. In 2002 and part of 2003 I was a part of a small church in Roseville. They were a marked contrast to the megachurches of that valley who drove their Lexi into the lot every Sunday for their innoculation shot of religion. Nope, these people fed the poor, clothed the naked, visited those in prison, housed the homeless. And there was a mystical center also there, though few availed themselves.
I did. On a few mornings a week we would meet at 6:30 am in a small upper room, drink tea, light some incense and sit quietly and just be with God. We would do this for 20-25 minutes and it never ceased to amaze me how my mind could not sit still and "BE" for that 20 minutes. Yet, we kept good humor about that remembering that God is gracious and loving.
No diversions...just quiet openess.
I'd like to tell you I had many potent spiritual experiences, but that was not the case. Just a quiet enjoyment of God not abstracted or explained, and in a real sense no different than when you sit silently with a friend, or Camille sit on my lap and we look at the ocean.
*******
Okay, I did have one. But I know enough not to expect it again. It was a gift.
I had sat quietly for about 15 minutes when a picture opened up in my mind's eye. It was like a wall of water, but not water. I stuck out my mindful finger and playfully poked into it a couple of times and knew (how I do not know) that it was eternity with me on this side. I did that for about a minute, but it was a bit timeless (and I can still see it in my mind today).
That's it. Nothing very big or startling.
The modern age would have me try to capture, bottle and market such experience.
That's just dumb.
I share it openly with you, and also with my kids. It reminds me that other things are afoot which are quiet and real even though they do not go real fast, moisturize your skin, or make a member of the opposite sex attracted to you.
And I realize that Yahweh's deal with idolatry isn't because God is insecure or threatened. It is because we are and I think it pains God to see how we choose to not do life.
posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 4:38 AM
1 Comments:
These were words I needed to hear this week. Thanks, Mac.
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