Doghouse

Incarnational parenting

Adam hams it up with some guys at the Ballpark.









My apologies for not getting back on the Incarnational aspect of parentling. Put imply I learned this from the God Who came down and became like us. One of the key things that differentiates Christianity from other world religions is the way God, or the gods, or the philosophy MOVES.

In the circle of reincarnation one is looking for an upward movement. In Greek philosophy the same with its teaching about the immortality of the soul. In Islam (radical or otherwise) it is a matter of obedience to Allah. Up the list we go with our trying to move upward by a variety of means. Perhaps only Zen teaches us to be still, here, now.

That is probably why I like it.

But in core Christianity the primary movement is not up, it is down. God comes down, gestates in a womb for nine months or so and then spills into our riot to live among us, to be us. This is not the "far-off" God who winds up the universe and leaves, but the God who has blood coursing through His veins, gets hungry and has to pee.

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Now I grew up in a weird time... right in the middle of a paradigm shift from the staid and locked down East Coast 50s to the wide-open Counter-Culture California 60s. Looking back it is mostly rather funny. You couldn't go into the Living Room (which was pristine), and yet my parents were experimenting with pot. I now see they were simply caught in two worlds (believe me, I know the feeling).

They expected me to function fully in their world regardless. It did not matter that I did not fully understand the rules. I was just supposed to know, obey and get good grades. I don;t remember either parent ever sitting down and talking with me unless I had done something wrong. But more on that in just a bit.

The point is I learned, from God's example, to attempt to "incarnate" into my childrens world. To meet them THERE, rather than constantly demand they meet me in my world (let's face it the adult world ain't that great anyway). So when any of my kids are disrespectful to me I do address it immediately, but then I talk with them and try to meet them in what is going on inside. There is usually something more.

Sometimes it is that they need to get out or perhaps just a bit more attention. Our flat here at The Citadel, no matter how beautiful is still probably under 900 square feet.

L thinks my taking the kids places all the time is just eccentric or cute. I assure you it is not. It is so they can run, breath fresh air, see new things and be KIDS! They cannot do that sitting here watching TV and video games all day long.

The main thing is meeting them in their world. That is why we play games and I watch movies I am not that interested in. You don't think Jesus was bored with our diversions? Think again. But I am not Jesus. Just a dad who loves his kids.

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One of the things I most respect about my father is he is always changing. He has not exactly tried to "incarnate" into my life and see things from my view but I am realizing that he tried in his own way in some significant areas that have effected my life.

These were his interests, not mine. But, they became mine a as a result. The three areas were photography, basketball and cars. Not bad if you think about it. And he did a lot of that while his own marriage was crumbling. I don't know, but perhaps his new attention in those areas was because he saw what was coming down the road.

Anyway, I think in that way he did "incarnate" into my young world. I became a very good photographer; I was pretty good at basketball and over the last ten years I have gotten better at fixing cars on my own. In fact, Adam and I are now scouring the Internet looking for a Fixer project for January.

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One of the core issues between human beings is a lack of empathy. When God became a man He defined what empathy means in the most radical of ways. This is what kids need most. Simply giving them the Household Commandments is not enough (helpful though it may be and necessary).

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 6:33 AM