Doghouse

A Model of Projection

Lots of projection going on here.





Yesterday, I was allowed to see my children for the first time in ten weeks or so. But before I could, I received a terse email from LIBF stating that:

I won't be at the church at 12:30 pm for the pickup but If I hear that you are in the least bit abusive with Lori on Sunday, verbally or physically, I will get a restraining order so fast it will make your head spin.

Now accusing me of being verbally or physically assaulting is just silly. Anyone who knows me understands I am a peacemaker and also an advocate of non-violence.

So it would be a bit like someone saying to an Amish elder, "Boy, if I find out you are an Islamic Terrorist I'm gonna report you so fast it will make your head spin."

So I began to wonder what could possibly bring such a bizarre statement completely out of left field? It could be just natural fearfulness (and I hope it is just that, although that can be problematic for others); or projection.

In either case I do not know.

Why fearfulness? Well some part may be natural male fear. I tower over the man and am a lot younger (okay not that much younger, only ten years). I am also the children's natural father and for all of his trying to buy them nice things he can never replace me or buy their affection.

Next, I speak openly about issues, which drives people with control issues nuts because they, er...can't control it. He tries to keep a cool exterior, but I already know from many incidents that he does not. He yells at my children and interrupts them constantly when they start to express themselves fully. His ever-so threatening emails to me denote anger that he has a hard time controlling.

In that sense he is a weak man because he cannot control his temper, listen and be open.

The Projection issue worries me more. People who accuse others and threaten others concerning their lives do so because it is in their life not necessarily in the person who is playing the current "movie screen". Some times the issues are mutual, as we have seen in the recent impolsions of some leading Republicans who persecuted homosexuals while being so themselves. Or, the sad story of Pastor Haggard.

But often people project their own stuff onto other people to whom it is foreign.

He knows the history of L's verbal and physical attacks on me. If anything, and I would not expect this with witnesses around, it would be the reverse. The first time L attacked me physically I should have called the police.

It doesn't make any sense even on the surface. After not seeing my kids face to face for ten weeks, and with presents loaded in the back for Adam's birthday; I with no record, am going to jump out of the car, ignore my sweet kids who want to hug me and be abusive to their mother?

What kinda insane sense does that make? It's an ugly scene that exists only in his mind.

So why would R think that I would be verbally or physically abusive?

Why would a restraining order ever be needed?

And why does his mind go there when mine is a million miles away?

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 7:21 AM