Kenosis Part 3
The Girl with the Boof.
It's Christmastime, and as such, my mind gravitates to the One who started all this by being born. This God/Man who gestated in a womb for nine months, and Who alone stands both as ultimate Gift and ultimate Giver.
I have been thinking a lot about this one and the issue of power. Those who feel themselves somewhat disenfranchised understand that power is central, and they don't have it.
What to do?
Into the mix go other notions. A young friend of mine recently wrote me about her own views and that she had "given up her rights". Now she meant this in the context of discipleship. It's an interesting idea, particularly for us in the West.
Well in this ongoing power-struggle over the kids the question lays begging. What about the way of Jesus?
L has t he power and is using it in all facets. In fact, if I wish to see my kids at all during Christmas I must do all the driving. Why? Because she says so and my only alternative is to not see them at all. She knows this so she says "you have to do all the driving." Is it fair? No. Does she need it to be? No.
Now in the Spring, when I show up in court with legal counsel and joint custody is restored then she will want to bargain for what she wants. She will have to because I will have my equal rights.
I feel ambiguous about this.
At any rate, some part of me wants to insist upon equality and justice; but the Kenosis part (Philippians 2) has got me in a bind. The text, written by Paul to the church at Philippi contends that not even Jesus regarded equality as something to be grasped at with God, even though he was God Himself. In fact, turning from such grasping it says he instead "emptied Himself like a common slave and was obedient even to the death".
This is an odd God we have.
Then Paul says that we should have a similar attitude in life. I assume, being as I am decidedly not God, that it applies to those I am essentially equal with...other people. So, if I am like Christ at all, my attitude should not be grasping at proving my equality, but instead choosing to serve.
Which lays us at the feet of the old "doormat" debacle. Was Jesus a doormat as example?
I mean, if I capitulate on these issues with L then she will run roughshod over me every time. She does it anyway.
Well I know what many of you will say...and you are correct. What difference does it make so long as you can see your kids two days in a row? (I have to bring them back at night because...well, you know...Camille might brush the wrong side of her teeth first at night or I might read 15 minutes of stories instead of the required 17).
Kenosis, or the idea of it ("self-emptying"), requires I simply make the drives. It's not fair or just. But it is loving.
posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 8:04 AM
2 Comments:
Parenting advice from a non-parent (i.e. easy to dish...): I think your perception on equality needs to shift. You are looking at it from a perspective of a power play between you and Lori. The equality factor needs to be looked at in relation to your children. Are you both equally contributing to their well being? Are you equally contributing to their emotional security? To their growth? The power of either parent in relation to the other to me is totally secondary to the power of the parent in relation to the child. Not sure if I'm being clear here - but I just feel like both of your energies are wasted battling each other - put that energy towards the kids in whatever way you can - driving, visiting, writing - whatever is available and know that it is 100% properly placed, humble and fair - not to you or her, but to your kids.
Actually that is my point (see the tail end of my post). I am not battling L because there is no battle to be won. At best I can dissent. But you underestimate the ability to limit such positive input. I do not mind in the least doing all the driving. I merely point out the abuse of power.
To not do the latter is to be a doormat or be passive. To do the former is to place the needs of my children above ego and power. Both need to be done. Thus I drive and do the work, but not quietly.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home