Doghouse

Okay..."Eradication" is too Strong...

I used the word "eradication" yesterday and thought better of it. This situation is hyperbolic by nature, so no real need to overstate things.

The real words are "diminish" and "disenfranchise", the former being the result of the latter.

When one parent successfully disenfranchises the other they have the power, but usually need the other for a whole variety of things. This was true up until a few months ago. My Ex had my support for a whole array of things, as well as encouragement. I supported her in telling the kids about big decisions, I listened to her on the phone, I watched the kids at her place one weekend, brought dinner when she and LIBF moved and even helped LIBF move his stuff out of storage.

But after moving to the Bay Area where it suddenly seemed we would live in relative two-household harmony (with her still having the power because she needs it and I do not) all this crap came out of nowhere.

Why?

I do not really know. You cannot place any logic on it, and there was not an incident that set it off (I do not think anyone is buying the "tardy bedtime ritual" anymore, if they ever did).

But the goal now seems to be disenfranchosement and diminishing as if LIBF had the biological, relational and historical chops to replace me. That's what people in 12-Step programs call "magical thinking".

The fact remains that I am a huge part of Adam and Camille's life wherever present or otherwise, and LIBF can ply them with gifts and fancy dinners out but kids still need their father.

People, as a whole, are incredibly selfish, myself included. It takes deliberate decisions to even hold this monster at bay. I admit that once Camille is 18, I have little or no use in my life for L. It would not bother me to not see her again and to simply be Zen about the 2 decades of my life I wasted on a very angry woman. In fact, it is in my best interest to do so.

Now you have to look at it from the children's point of view. If I simply capitulate they lose on all counts. My job is to not want my pound of flesh for the loads of pain and suffering this fiasco has caused.

I will open up a discussion tomorrow that I want input on. I WANT you to argue with me because I have a moral dilemma and justice is important to me. I had no qualms about reporting LIBF's actions to CPS, but there are other matters and I have been sitting with them patiently for a month or so and wish to decide one way or the other.

Try to enjoy this blessed Saturday and pray for my kids.

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 5:56 AM