Doghouse

Bags Of Fun

Cammie with Bag O' Fun number 1











When we go picnicking, which is pretty much any weekend they are here, we also take the Bag's O' Fun. There use to be only one (the one in the background) and it has in it a wooden and steel Bingo set, Uno cards, and the Authors game. We got the second (larger and longer) bag for swim masks, towels, squirt guns, the football, kites and a backup of kite string because we seem to lose them. We sometimes even bring a battery-powered bubble machine, which is a lot of fun.

We have quite a few rituals while picnicking. One is often the eating of "The Sandwich" (we try to make the biggest one we can). Adam and I run pass patterns, we once again spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to put the kit together (There is a backup the BOF #2). Hereis a short video:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=630737686

Well needless to say the BOFs have lay dormant now for well over a month. LIBF continues to try and use a combination of guilt and subtle intimidation (he recently implied I was libeling him, which I have not. He simply dislikes and is uncomfortable with my telling the truth).

Because seeing my children unhindered and regularly is non-negotiable, this is not fun. But I have peace about it. Sure I get frustrated at times because of the injustice. (Wouldn't you?) but I also am banking on all those regular times we have spent whole days together at Pt. Reyes, Bolinas, Baker Beach, Crissy Field and China Camp Beach to get us through.

Having children is an investment of time, nurture and love and it forms inside of them that way. My daughter may not understand right now why I don't come for an allotted hour. All real protest involves pain and is not appeased by expediency. Expediency is always offered for it is the basis of control and manipulation. The end result is a disaster for all involved. But she has all those warm memories and all that time and those words of care inside of her already.

I remember one great day when Adam was maybe 2, and I took Sean and Thomas and him to the beach (Baker). As was often the case I had to do so alone as L was not interested in coming. I was in Alameda with my folks and my Dad said "You're gonna take these three to the beach to BBQ alone? Yer a braver man than I."

It was a nice compliment. And we did go and had a most memorable day. It was kind of misty and my older sons helped me lug all the stuff up under a canopy of trees and we barbecued park steaks and I took pictures (which I will find and post) and Adam was as happy is a Big-Headed Clam. Later we hid the small portable BBQ up in the clustered trees...we came back next year and it was still there and we used it.

Jesus said we should become like children and a part of my philosophy with my kids has always been in incarnate into their world, not demand they live in mine. That is especially important here with Camille. She doesn't need any of our mess...and let's face it, it's adults who do the messing. They cannot seem to help themselves. So I have always tried to see through their eyes.

I think at this point Adam has a "whatever" attitude not in a defiant way, but in just the way I have described ("I don't want any of your adult mess. Wanna play Starcraft online?" Er, yes). I applaud this. And I actually do not wish it either. I was perfectly happy to be supportive of L and LIBF, brought them dinner when they moved in, was available for extra kid duty to help out (and get more time with my kids...it was not all altruistic), and suddenly they simply turned on me for no good reason. I do not want any of their mess either and I have been scolded now a few times by close friends not so much that I am too forgiving, only that I seem to forget.

I won't make that mistake again (I think). In that regard I suppose some of this does land in my lap. We all know the old saying about getting burned. Well I use to allow it regularly and I suppose it is only fair that I own that I allowed that.

Now LIBF has also accused my of "blaming others". Anyone who knows me knows I own my own stuff. I am not blaming, I am simply NAMING what is going on. I am simply telling the truth, which I understand is unnerving. But as Thomas Merton points out "The lie brings violence and disorder into our nature itself." Now Merton is talking on a grand scale, but it is no less true on a small personal level. If I lie then my internal life is in disorder. If I accept lies then the same.

Living a truthful life is not comfortible. In fact, it is embarassing. But it is "self-cleaning" and self-respectful. I would like all of my children to grow up with the moral courage to speak the truth with humility. I say all because my older sons already do this. Sean does not think himself humble, but in a very real way he truly is. Thomas just is...he is very, er...Zen. I respect both of them greatly.

I am not allowing this "travesty of a mockery of a sham" and I promise you I won't. And sometime in the future we will once again be at Baker Beach playing Uno and trying to find the missing piece of the kite and Adam will be flipping the food on the grill. It may be next week. It may be a year from now. I do not have the power and legally it would take at least a year to get it back.

So I have decided to simply take the high road and emphasize what my kids need, the injustice and telling the truth.

There is freedom in telling the truth...even the freedom to find out you are wrong. I always hold that possibility (and sometimes I find it is true).

Paul says three things "abide" (last): "faith, hope and love". That is all I have for my kids...that and food and bags of fun.

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 4:24 AM