Doghouse

Fear Part Two

Adam and Camille.










I've sat with this situation for a couple weeks now. The answer is always the same: fear-based.

Fear turns to anger, anger turns to suffering...and I sound like Yoda now.

The fact that I am writing about all this incites more fear in those who have the power (actually the one who has the power. LIBF has no real power at all...it is all "borrowed").

So they have to make it out that I am irresponsible. I am not.

Or that I do not pay child support, I do.

They make personal attacks based on incidents years ago that were untrue.

Again, there has never been an incident of any kind.

Pascal wrote that those "who fear should not, and those who did not fear should."

It's a funny saying, but if you crawl into what he means it makes sense. The people we know who do not overtly fear are the most dangerous. Our current president is a good example. It would be better if he had a healthy dose of fear and circumspection.

He doesn't. Those around him even less.

Then we also know people dominated by fear and we wish they were not because we see how it hamstrings them. Perhaps you know someone like that. Someone who if they could just shake off their past fears and look ahead would be much freer than they are now.

That's Pascal's notion.

The reality behind Pascal's statement is that it is ALL fear-based. It's easy to see the former, but not easy to see the latter because it looks so impervious. It isn't. In fact, what fuels the overt lack of fear is fear itself. It's like the bully in school. They look fearless but it is fear that fuels them. A deeper fear.

*******

The opposite of fear is love and faith and hope. These three are not easy things themselves by any means. They are costly and often difficult, but St. Paul says of all things these three "abide" meaning they have permanent residence where fear cannot go and has no place.

I have been in both positions (Pascal's verse).

I have been utterly fearless and merciless with opponents. I evicerated and humiliated them when I was younger. As a college student there was no professor I would show the slightest mercy to in debate. Later I confronted cultists who claimed to be God.

I was a hammer.

But as Pascal says, it would have been better if I had known some fear during those days. Years later the reverse would be true, and if I had my choice I would take that because it teaches compassion to know real fear. It humanizes to an extent and you understand the undercurrent in all human life of that one thing...fear.

It also elevates love because we all have choices and to love is the very best in every single situation.

I think ideally you want to be inbetween. Understand your fears and name them, show compassion and be willing to take real hits for love's sake. There is really no way around it because the other folk you have to deal with will generally fall on one side or the other. They will be too fearful or not fearful enough.

Let's face it..it's not such a fun topic and it's just easier to anesthetize that issue with alcohol, sugar, shopping, cigarettes, online blogging, television, etc. (the list is almost limitless). As Pascal also said about humanity:

"All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone."

If my daughter does not learn how to sit in a quiet room alone she will turn, as all human beings do, to all manner of other things. Probably you cannot do that at 8 years old. It's too young and being a human being is about the most difficult thing you can be. Even God (in Jesus) found it difficult. So, you have to do it by degrees. I have confidence in her that she will do well.

My sons have done well...three of them. They are all honest young men and play things very plainly. They have good hearts and fine minds and a certain independence that I admire. None of them are arrogant, but none of them are cowed.

At some real point you have to trust God with your kids, and also trust in your own love for them. I admit I felt a twinge of fear this morning at the thought that I might not see my daughter and youngest son for many months. The fact it is unfair makes it worse. But that is where love, faith and hope come in. And the three are said to be as real on the "other side" as here and now.

I'll trust in that reality and not in fear.

*******

I jokingly mentioned Yoda earlier on the issue of fear. That saying about fear leading to suffering use to puzzle me till I saw it from the inside out.

The other day I was walking with my Pastor friend Rod and we were talking about Christology, apologetics, and new ways of presenting Gospel. We walked past the old Seminary (that I once attended until my wife became pregant with Adam). Rod is not a man dominated by fear...his fears are simple ones like fear of being arrogant or being late for an appointment. I enjoy our talks very much and he has the scent of Jesus on him. He is much more in the center of Pascal's statement on fear than I may ever be.

As we wound up back by the old toy store in San Anselmo talking and laughing, George Lucas walked up and looked in the window of the toy store. I thought that was pretty funny given the years I have spent in toy stores looking for and buying his toys. Lucas was about four feet away dressed in a simple plaid shirt and jeans. No one was with him.

Of course I wanted to say hi. I have always wanted to meet him. But thought better of it, but not from fear. It was a quiet morning and I imagine George Lucas likes his solitude looking into a toy store window...and besides I was enjoying Rod. So I said to Rod "there is our neighbor George Lucas...but let's leave him be."

But he had a nice ease about him. Usually a famous multi-millionaire travels with an entourage and an air of importance. Lucas stood there alone, looking like the assistant manager at a framing store on his day off, staring at a large race car model in the window, and imagining what he could do with it.

My estimation of George went up. I hope he buys the car.

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 11:42 AM