Doghouse

"Basic Needs"

Maslow's basic hierarchy of needs.















L sent me a terse email with the usual set of accusations. But the consistent one was that I did not meet the Children's "basic needs".

Here is a quote or two:

Hoping and hoping that you would be able to tend to basic needs.

You are good at the fun outings, the special trips and projects, but you are unable
to make sure basic needs (including the need for safety and security) are
taken care of.

And she uses similar phrases a number of other times. "Basic needs" is the theme here. Then she even attacks Reese on the same point:

Reese has been taking a minimal role the past year, coming to events when asked,
but not tending to basic needs of the children.

So you can see that "basic needs" is the real issue for L.

So let's have a look at that...a good hard look.

Given Maslow's hierarchy of needs we start with the most basic of needs...food and drink.

I figure french toast sticks, bacon, eggs, and several types of cereal on hand is a good start. I wish that every child had such waking up in the morning. Later fresh salad, sandwiches, dinner of pizza or pasta or BBQ meat and roasted potatoes. For drinks (thirst) maximum of two soft drinks a day, but always juice and water (bottled) on hand.

I figure we have that one covered.

Moving right along we have the need of security and protection.

I watch my children like a mother hawk. The are never out of my sight in public (never). In fact I am always calculating any possible scenario that could bring harm to them. I see every car, every possible scenario and they are able to bound about freely never knowing that I am ready to take immediate action if they are in any danger.

That's in public. At home they have their own room, bunk beds. Fresh linens on their beds, and we have a watch dog that adores Camille especially. They have free reign around the flat, but the door is locked and they have to stay inside after dark. Even during daylight I prefer Camille go out with either myself, Adam or the dog. She has never been locked out (as she has it her mother's house).

We have never had an incident or security breach of any kind.

When it comes to social needs, a sense of belonging and love it is a very warm household. All ideas and requests are considered even if not implemented. One of our favorite things is board games (usually with the ballgame on in the background). They are generally long games and we talk and joke and really get into it. It's loose-leaf like the Scrabble games at Pinecrest that Grandma Dee always wins.

There are always lots of hugs and if there is a problem it is talked about openly and without fear.

On social needs we could do better here...make new friends and establish those. But that is hard to do with the absence of your actual children.

Self-esteem issues are pretty high on my list. I did not have it, I had no idea how beautiful and smart I was until I was only smart. That's a shame. But all of my children are beautiful and smart and I make sure to mirror that back to each one of them and let them know I believe in their giftedness. They know their father believes in them.

On the last, all you can do is encourage self-actualization. Heck, I am still working on that myself...but having parents behind you encouraging that is a must. I would never suggest that L does not do this. It's just that she fails to see the myriad of ways I do the very same. Why?

To that end I can only encourage. Camille's is drawn to art and is gifted. She has multiple art sets, an easel here and we paint side by side and advise each other as we go along. Adam and I like to play as teamates online with video games and he is a cunning warrior and every bit my equal even though I have been playing a lot longer.

The point of self-actualization is that it comes from within. It's God given. So many parents decide what their kids should do, but I believe it comes from within.

I have recently talked a bit with a mentor of mine. When I was in my teens he was like a father to me. He recognized in this shy gawky kid real talent and he was really the first adult to listen to me and mirror back that what I thought and said and did mattered. I have tried to do the same with each of my kids and if you meet them you will see it in them.

I am NOT solely responsible for this (let's be clear on that) but you never get there without father-love.

I am not interested in just meeting my children's "basic needs" and I never have been. Those needs have never been in question. What I have shot for are the needs that are at the top of that pyrimid. L thinks those superfluous. I don't and I never have or will.

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 5:18 PM