Doghouse

They Say It's Your Birthday

Adam turns 14 today.

I am very proud of him.










The excuse the L uses to withold my kids from me is that Camille gets scared at night. Yet she admits the same happens there. She also freely admitted that she has allowed Camille to develop an over-dependence on her. Some of that has come from witholding her from regular visits in the past. She assumes that by farming her out to others this will lessen. The real cause is not having the security of two parents and way too much change for a little girl over the last five years (since she was 3).

Still she at least has some excuses with Camille. She has none with Adam who is now 14. In fact, he is at the age where he can legally make decisions on parental rights. I an reticent to bring this up with him as, once again, I do not want him in the middle of this mess that L has created. I'd rather wait it out patiently for now.

In a recent letter L implied that there were "documented problems". I asked in a reply letter to name just one.

I got no reply.

Of course all people make mistakes, especially parents. L has made some significant ones, but nothing intentional and neither have I.

I received several letters of support this week from people who have actually seen me with my kids. I am grateful. Thank you all.

As I have written, my own family situation was less than steller, but at least my father could have me come and stay overnight if he wanted. And sometimes he went a good deal beyond the norm...like sitting through a doubleheader at Candlestick Park when he really didn't like baseball. I was about Adam's age at that time and it meant a lot to me. But you see, he had the option and it was good because my mother is a little crazy and my dad isn't the least bit crazy. So I had another outlet, albeit not as often as I would have liked.

When I was sixteen I met my first mentor. He was a high school teacher and he became like a second father to me which was pretty crucial.

SK did not ever try to keep me from my parents...he just filled in while they did their own thing. But as much as I loved him, and as cool as it was to have a teacher to run with, study with, listen to music with and play hours of ping-pong..I would have preferred it had it been my dad.

In all fairness, SK had just gone through a heartbreaking divorce and he needed a project: me. It worked for both of us because I needed what Robert Bly calls a "male mother", a mentor.

Now R is shooting his own feet off because my son will grow up knowing he was an accompliss in keeping him from coming and spending time with a full-on father. You cannot be the mentor and do that. And I will not lie to my son, about anything. I never have and I never will. It's just a matter of when.

So R is disqualifying himself as a mentor every day my son cannot come and be with me because it is morally wrong. I have more compassion for L because I know she lives by fear and is fueled by a quiet rage. Always has been, probably always will.

But R is new to the situation and should be able to be more objective.

*******

Lest you think me self-righteous, this morning at church Rod Miles preached on Luke 7 where the contrast is between the Pharisee who invites Jesus to dinner and the Prostitute who lets down her hair, breaks open the alabaster vial of expensive perfume and annoints Jesus' feet with her tears.

In the story, I most definitely identify with the prostitute in her brokeness and also her reliance on the love of Christ. Simon the pharisee is probably a very righteous man, but he does not understand love and he simply wants to evaluate Jesus, not engage in a scandalous love and devotion like the prostitute.

"He who is forgiven much, loves much".

This has become a constant test in forgiveness. I have left several messages for my kids (both of them) and none have been returned that I am aware of.

So here is the scorecard: I cannot have my kids here (despite no incident); I could have a short visit with a court appointed stranger that would send a deadly message to my kids; and I cannot even get them on the phone.

Personally I think it is because they are both pissed that I am writing about this publically and openly. They also do not understand my resolve.

And here is my proof:

1) I have been accused of libel, yet with no example or any action taken.
2) I have been told my words "mean nothing" yet they are being added to a file
and I get several emails in one week that are on the attack.
3) All relevant information about my kids is also being witheld
4) My phone calls to my kids are not being returned
5) I am accused of "documented incidents" but not a single example has been produced or any document.
6) Camille is being witheld based on a non-incident for which I have a witness
7) Adam is being witheld for no reason at all and he wants to come.
8) As unfair as it is they have an established "supervisor" here who has volunteered and is someone the kids trust and feel comfortible with.

Tomorrow we dissect the latest attack letter from L including my responses.

*******

Adam is one of the four greatest gifts God has ever given me. Each of my children stand out in their own unique way. L once said that I gave the kids "there sweeteness". It was a rare moment of weakness and disclosure, but she is right. She laso, about the same time wrote me (I still have the card) about my attempts to get through the "rock-hardness" of her heart.

Guess I am not done yet. 

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 6:30 PM