Doghouse

HTTP Error 404

I like to place some art with each article so I did a quick search for "Incarnation" on the Internet and found a host of images. In each case though, when I went to retreive the image I got a 404 error...which means there is nothing there, just a trace that it once was.

This seems a fitting metaphor for this Christmas morning. I believe in the incarnation but their are only traces of it being real.

I woke up in despair and alone. There is really no good reason for the latter, but seems plenty for the former.

Why despair? Well, you could point to many things, including my depressive nature, but the simple reason is I just do not see the point and I am tired of trying to see the point or make a piont that everyone (Christian or otherwise) seems to hate or deny.

No one takes faith seriously anymore..okay, okay...not no one. I can name at least five people who take faith and who take Jesus seriously...and there are a few on the cusp, but most of them are too busy being beaten on a daily basis...but it's an incognito beating.

There is no justice. If there were George Bush would not be in power and a couple dozen fairly innocent folk would not die today so he and his friends can get rich and pursue an insane agenda.

But my despair is closer in as you might imagine.

When I was a kid I loved Christmas even when my dad would buy me the thing that was kinda like the thing I actually wanted only it was 60 percent less. I wanted a puffy jacket in blue and would get a green fiber-fill. It was still Christmas. And twice I got up and I got exactly what I wanted (hold that thought by the way). But there was good food and usually even my sister and I got along which only happened a dozen times till we were in our 30s.

It was Christmas eve last night, and I have already been denied my kids or even delivering their gifts simply because I don't drink, I provide them their own room, am willing to do all the driving but apparently the real issue is my simple existence. That seems to be the rub when you get right down to it.

Apparently, If I simply did not exist then I could see them, or at least have a phone call returned on Christmas Eve. It would definitely cut down on the threats of restaining orders, which are getting more frequent.

When you cease to exist it is very hard to be served.

Now I am bordering on farce good reader, but I assure you, take away a few humorous remarks and it is all true. Humor is one of a few saving graces for those of us without a trust fund. You cannot pay your bills, but you can make a wisecrack on the way out that may sustain you for weeks.

Anyway, no one takes Christianity serious anymore unless they are making a movie. That much is evident to me. In fact, if it were not for my friends Rod and Martha (and also Scott and Laura) I might finally succumb to the notion that it is all nonsense and I have simply been missing out on a a really good time.

My evidence? Christians.

None of them (except the aforementioned) in general take it seriously at all. Okay, I know this girl who does, but she is young and has yet to receive the beatings.

When I woke up I thought about the unretruned phone calls and that my kids are being force-fed affluent Christianity with no discipleship involved...no suffering, no cost. Their mother and LIBF are both Christians leaders with money, power and they can have all the sex they want without marriage because God thinks they are special. They don't even have to cook dinner on Christmas eve because they can go to an expensive sushi restaurant in the City.

It sounds like I am bitter. I''ts possible it is just the wasabi.

Well you can see where that is going. And I have to admit, when I was a kid if my mother had taken me to a fancy restaurant with her boyfriend on Christmas Eve I would have really liked it.

But I still would have called my father back.

I left five messages yesterday. Each over an hour apart, and each in response to them calling me at 11:30 when I was at Church.

The last time I called when I knew Camille was there (after 3 days of unreturned messages) I was threatened with a restraining order). So now I space them by an hour or so, so I will get fewer threats. I'm sure a judge somewhere thinks that a returned phone call to a father is worth restraint.

The fact is, now that they have taken everything else 9like actually seeing my kids) my calls to my kids are utterly ignored.

The fear is, of course, that I might simply speak the truth. Which is true. It's very possible I will say to my children that they cannot see me because their mother has so decided.

True or untrue?

She claims I should not speak anything adult to them...this while LIBF tries to show Adam what it's like to be a real man (violence) and L talks to my 9 year old daughter about my "'having a disease".

Well that is just another layer of hypocrisy, but let's say I do have a disease. Why do they go apeshit and attack whenever I am in remission from this disease (I am not yet sure it is a disease but they will play it six ways from Sunday if it suits their purpose)?

And where is their faith, hope and love? Christianity is supposed to be an offer of redemption, grace and forgiveness; not power and accusation and hypocrisy. And the worst thing is the kids. Jesus, in a rare harsh moment, suggested that those who hinder kids would be better off tying themselves to a large stone and casting it (and them) into Lake Tahoe (current context).

No, as I survey the landscape I see that most of Christianity in the West is dead. It's alive in Asia, Africa...pretty much anywhere where the veneer of religion is not tolerable. But here it is dead. No one loses their life to find it here. No one loves their neighbor as themself (unless they are pagan). No one studies the texts unless it's to sell a book on what "it really means". Christian leaders persecute other, live together..."cats living with dogs..." its nuts.

Do I seem down?

Well I am.

Now there are two people who give me hope and I will tell you why.

One is Martha. She sent me an email Christmas card. It said (ironically) that I had given her hope this last year. The reality is probably otherwise. Martha prays for me every day even though she has never met me face to face. She does this because she believes. She has the crazy idea that when she sits in Massachusetts and prays for me, that God listens and it actually matters.

The crazy fact is, it does.

In fact, that is a lot more sane to me that the mean utter bullshit I have to live with week in and week out just trying to love and see my kids, and have it denied by this notworthy "Christians" who do not live out their faith at all. Jesus is like their life insurance agent who they see once a year. Make no mistake. He is not in charge in any way.

Martha, like all true disciples, doubts herself too much...but is tender-hearted because of it.

Today it's her turn to give me hope.

Rod is the other one.

He makes me feel faith and truth and love are all possible in real terms.

(Laughing)...this guy is so grounded in incarnational love that he even offered (out of his own pocket) to pay for a hotel room for me in Alameda when it looked like I had to do all the driving for two days. "Just stay over and be with your kids...on me".

Well, we all know that is not going to happen for whatever excuse they can concoct. But the offer was there and a gracious one.

Maybe that is the real point. The offer of Christ's love and grace is always there...but we have to accept it. God will not force L & LIBF to have my kids call or allow them to visit even though they know well that they are safe and loved.

If their version of Christianity is the deal, I do not want it, nor would I suggest it to anyone.

Am I beitter? Yes. I believe I finally am. And it is a long road to get me so for anyone that knows me. I am a lover by nature. I will not allow the bitterness to linger. I will let it instruct me for a short time so I am not so naive.

God was neither naive, nor bitter, not decluded about what becoming flesh would mean. If we talked about that more in the church we might all see things differently. Until then, Christmas pagents at 5, sushi at 9 and sex at 11, all with the blessings of God.

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 6:03 AM