Doghouse

The Stories...part one

The Flounder.





At first glance this dog looks like a great pet. He looks healthy and happy and affable.

None of these things were true in 1977. This dog would just as soon rip out your throat as ask for a treat.

Whoever took this picture had a lucky minute. Tell it otherwise to my friend Malone when he was hiding at 3 am in the brush and being hunted by this beast on that fate-filled night.. Or tell it to Stanley who was half in the creek below the 30 foot retaining wall at just that moment going into hypothermia.

This dog, named "George" was a warmonger and we called him "The Flounder" because what dog that you know has both eyes on the top of it's head. C'mon!

It's a bad omen. It's like meeting a prehistoric dog, or at least one who existed before redaction editors or the authors of the JEDP theory.

You see we were all young theologians..so we talked that way unless it was 3 a.m. and we came dressed in black pants, turtlenecks and caps looking to do mischief.

To give you some context. Months earlier I had been attacked...savagely. My beloved 62 VW Van ("The Brick") had been carted down the street and filled with newspaper and replaced in my driveway.

This deed was done on my birthday and by a host of very evil protestant theologians and a cross-dresser who were all good personal friends.

Being a man who understood the grace of God I immediately started plotting my revenge. I discovered, through cross-examination...just who the four culprits were and I set about making a plan to destroy each of them.

Okay, okay...destroy is too strong a term. The actual need was to create as much emotional duress as possible with the least amount of physical damage to their property. That took imagination. In fact, Mac's Doctrine of Emotional Mayhem was actually born that morning as I unpacked 800 pounds of newspaper from my van (I had plenty of time to think).

Here was my plan. I would saddle up to each Perp and ask for their help in undoing the others with the notion that they had been cleared of any suspicion. In their subtle glee in being trusted with such a task they would throw in fully never suspecting that they were next.

Remember...we were in our 20's...so this is not exactly the Godfather.

So Mitchell was first. He is, after all, my best friend.

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 9:32 AM