Doghouse

"Bob's Your Uncle"

Doug tells his clan that I "stabbed him in the back" on his own blog. Is this true? Did I abuse my invitation to write alongside others in Doug's absence?

Well, not from where I am standing, and that is the keyword here. The only time I have ever seen Doug TenNapel's backside is when he has been running away.

Doug writes that someone told him about "bullies" and that you choose the biggest one and ...oh I don't remember exactly because I suddenly felt like I was listening to Ward Cleaver...but you basically whup his ass and then that's it...no one messes with you again.

Of course the bully goes on terrorizing others...just not you.

Well that sounds like it comes from someone bullied and still afraid of it. I have empathy. As a guy whose family moved every two years I was the regular target as the new kid. Life viewed from the asphalt is not so very fun. But becoming the bully is no solution because the bully's life is based in fear and pain.

So in the early 90s I started studying non-violence under the tutlage of the Rev Darrell Johnson, who had been in Manila during the non-violent revolution that overthrew Marcos and was deeply fortified by spiritual connection with God. I studied what had happened there and asked Darrell to share stories. I studied Martin Luther King and decided there was a better way based on the Sermon on the Mount...in most circumstances.

So God is a merry Prankster and one Spring day I was in the park at an open poetry event and my friend B.L. was reading a particularly offensive poem meant to gain attention and attention it did in the form of a very drunken Marine.

The man had muscles on his muscles, and although I towered over him I knew as I headed him off that he could kill me in a minute, or make me languish in pain for many weeks if he so wished.

"I am going to kick your ass if you do not get out of my way" he said.

My hands were purposefully at my side.

"Yes. I ..."

He interrupted. "I am a Marine goddman it and I will put you in the ground!"

I told him I believed him on all counts. I agreed that he could bury me if he so chose and that there would probably not be much I could do about it. Still I held my ground between him and the languishing poet who was off on some thing about penises.

Bad poetry from behind, drunken Marine in front...not my favorite scenario.

Of course the man, a bully, wanted me to throw a punch. I towered over him and he didn't like me in the least. But he kept looking at my hands. They were calmly at my side and flat.

"I'll just go around you and beat his ass!: he laughed.

"I can't let you do that."

"Well then I'll beat your ass and move on to him!" he said as the poet went on some drivel about cum on the wall.

"Well I agree that you can beat my ass...no doubt about it," I said. "But let's do this before you do..let's go over to that tree and you talk and I'll just listen...I probably agree with you more than you know. If, when done, you still want to beat my ass, then you still can."

He looked at me strange.

Then we walked a good 30 feet quietly over to a tree and sat down and he talked my head off for a good 20 minutes. And he was not so drunk that he did not have focus. No...he had some good points which I had to acknowledge.

Well there was no violence done that day in that park that I am aware of. The poetry still sucked and the Marine still woke with a hangover...but no one was beaten.

*******
Although Doug never agrees with me I sometimes agree with him. Figure that one out.

I do think with bullies you have to stand your ground. I do not agree that it is either right or practical to beat them first as this only adds to their cycle of violence and they will find new victims who are just smaller than you.

In Doug's world, which is a Black and White Unpleasantville, there is always one answer and it is usually violent in one way or another. It is a strange view for a Christian to hold and most of what he writes is an apologetic of his position.

Non-violence worked in India, in Manila and in the USA during the Civil Rights movement. It did not work in Tienemann Square. It would be silly in the face of roaring Huns and probably ridiculous in the former Soviet Union.

Even with the Marine, I was prepared to simply be a very large obstruction. I may have even employed humor at the right moment (I can be a clever bastard). And it didn't hurt that I was twice his size. I was actually working on his behalf as much as the poet as he did another set of bad poetry, and a case could be made that I failed to guard the public interest.

But back to BOB! I mean Doug.

See Doug twists things to his suiting. I never stabbed Doug in the back, I challeneged him to his face often and well. Not only did I do this, I also yielded to the good points and considered others. When he criticized me for running long I tried not to take it personal when one of his friends did a post four times the size that seemed to have no point. I accepted I was "Odd Man Out" (the opposition and enemy) and that his small litter of rabid dogs would view every post like hot steamy kibble.

(They are like Dobermans..well a few of them...Not S, A or SP).

Well this gets back to the bully thing.

The bully does not understand when you look them in the eye and do not stand down. They hollar insults, call you names and threaten all manner of harm. But you just stand your ground.

It's very simple.

And after they see you will not be moved they run away because you have left them no option.

So with Doug, who is a bully himself...the mirror image of his own fear...I simply called him on his shit. No one in Glendale would be offended by my review (except the head of the local Chamber).They already know they live around a strip mall with no culture. They simply go to neighboring cities like Pasadena to see my favorite Van Gogh in the Norton Simon, or head off to Long Beach...or catch the latest film that we will wait another month to view. It's not a problem.

What Doug hates (and he has so much of it) is that I called him out on his bigotry and hypocrisy. I received a few letters all, in some way, trying to make an excuse for Doug's blatant censorship. The refrain is always.."it's Doug's sandbox and he can go dukee where and when he wants."

They also say "he is actually a decent guy".

Of this I have no doubt. Doug...divested of the sfaety of his little kingdom...is probably a decent guy. I'd probably enjoy him as a neighbor even though he would secretly despise me.

Doug's bully bark is far worse than his actual bite ("banning" is just passive aggresive...to engage is another thing).

But you still have to look that snarling dog in the face and say "down Bob, er...Boy."

posted by Obi-Mac BakDon @ 4:39 AM